Now as an adult, that first experience gets in the way every time she takes a bite of her Vegemite toast. Then there's the issue of food. You know how your tastebuds mature? Rebecca remembers exactly what it tasted like to eat Vegemite for the first time when she was three. or break her toys if we go back that far. But it makes it hard to move on when people are mean or say something rude. Her mind will be thinking "I hope the teacher gets that person in trouble for breaking my toy" but then her conscience and reasoning will remind her, "this is ridiculous, why is this an issue right now, that was ages ago." "I have been taught how to forgive by my therapist, but I can never forgot," Rebecca said.įor example, if Rebecca sees someone years later that she had a fight with as a child, she will relive that fight as if it's happening today. "In that way I am blessed to have autism, because it's put a little bit of a filter there."īut emotions and feelings are hard regardless when your brain refuses to give you the gift of being able to 'forgive and forget' as the saying goes. But my autism makes emotions a little bit more difficult," she said. "If I didn't have autism I think I'd be a very emotional person. Rebecca muses that her autism (which she was diagnosed with aged 15) has probably helped her with her H-SAM in a way, as it allows her to cope with the overwhelming feelings that come with being able to remember every moment - good and bad - in her life. Image: Supplied.Īfter two years of psychological testing she was diagnosed aged 23. Her mum explained that she was dreaming and it was "in her mind".įor the next year when Rebecca dreamt she'd ask the people in her dreams, "where's mind? I want mind to wake me up and take me back home." Most of us would struggle to recall how we felt and what we did every day of our lives when we were this little. When Rebecca was three and had developed the vocabulary, she asked her mother why every night she was taken away from home. I woke up crying and thinking where am I. "It was a cold night and I was one and a half," she told Mamamia. "I found myself in a room with ball and shoot machines and funny noises and balls running down tunnels. She can relive her first ever dream as clearly as the day she had it. I can't not use words when I think now," she explained.įrom learning how to talk to deciding she "might try walking now" to what it felt like to be held by her mother as a baby, Rebecca remembers it all. I've tried retraining myself to think that quickly now and I can't. I just thought in pure feeling and senses. "As a young child I didn't think in words.
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